As I began my longest distance that I would run prior to the marathon – 20 miles, I found myself behind a woman running and a man riding a bike along side her.  They appeared to be around the same age – I’d guess mid 50s, and a couple.  I decided to take their picture because it reminded me of something.  You see, I had that once.  And there I went down a twenty mile long memory lane.

I was training for my first New York Marathon and I had fallen in love with my neighbor in the West Village.  This lovely man rode my beach cruiser along side me for 16 miles!  Do you know how slowly one has to ride beside a runner, and for two and a half hours?!!  He never once complained.  I mean, I can only imagine how sore he must have been, no matter how comfy that seat may seem!  No, in fact he rode beside me appearing to be enjoying himself, taking video, and encouraging me the entire way.  Actually, I have a message here for all of the fellas.  Take pictures of your girl.  If you find yourself in a moment where you think, man, I am so lucky, look how beautiful my lady is – take her picture.  We love this.  Something this guy got very right and it melted me every time.  We didn’t work out in the end – we were both too emotional for one another, which meant that everything was passionate and devastating at the same time.  And also, crazy – like in the clinical way – and so our love was not sustainable.  However, watching the couple in front of me made me realize his beautiful gift and how it directly related to running.  That amazing man made sure that my mom and my five friends made it to three different spots in my marathon.  At one point convincing an NYPD officer to allow him to park in a very illegal place just so they would not miss my finish.  And then talk his way into getting them all into the bleachers that were strictly reserved for those with tickets, of which they did not have.  I will never forget crossing that finish line and looking back at them, jumping up and down with legs so far gone, tears running down my face.  Team Coco.  Man it was magical and I will always love him for that.  It took us another year to finally break up, and I certainly thought that I would never recover.  I had fallen very hard – something I always do, but somehow with the help of running another marathon – using the miles to process the heartbreak, I managed to.  He is happily married now to a beautiful girl and I wish them everything.

As I passed this lovely couple I paused my music.  For some reason I wanted to eavesdrop on their conversation.  Woman: “I think that its a tribute, you know?  Our still believing in marriage.”  Man:  “Well, or, at least the idea of it…”  I continued my run contemplating that message which was certainly meant for me.  As of late, I’ve had many conversations about the topic with my married friends, my single friends, and my divorced friends.  I have definitely gone through many phases of where I stand.   As I was approaching my sixth mile though, this is what I knew.  The pair that was in front of me – I want that.  I want to find my person, my companion, my teammate.  I want someone to share the miles of life with.  And it dawned on me then, marriage or a deeply committed relationship is a marathon.  There are ups and downs, hills and valleys.  There are injuries, doubt, fear, unpredictability, and adaptability.  There are times where you want to take a break or quit all together.  Times where you are definitely hurt but put on a brave face and keep moving forward.  And if it is right and you endure, it is all very worth it in the end.  This magnificent, shared  journey is full of life and adventure and triumph, and you wouldn’t trade it for any other race.

It was then that my training app came over my music notifying me that I was half way done.  I had to remind myself to take it easy, to take it slow.  When you’ve run ten miles but have ten more you cannot rush it.  Even if I felt good and wanted to run fast, it would not be wise when you’re going that kind of distance.  I realized though how I didn’t want the run to end soon – I would like for these long runs to last forever, as I truly do love being out there where its just me and my body and my thoughts.  And then it hit me – patience.  Another vital ingredient for relationships.  You have to practice patience, both in the building of one and unfortunately, in the breaking down.  Right?  Because if you go too fast in the beginning it is likely you will burn out just as quickly, and if enough time isn’t taken after the fall, you’ll never truly heal the wound.  And this thought led to a time not so long ago at a bar with a very intelligent girlfriend of mine.  A few weeks prior my whole life had crumbled around me.  He was my best friend for three years, but it all came to an end in what seemed like three seconds, and I moved out.

I spent many of the first few nights, perhaps weeks,  crumpled up on the floor of my new studio wondering how the hell I ended up here.  My friend had just ended a relationship herself, and we were both very much in it.  “I just want to fast-forward to the part where I’m all good, strong, singing my song again,” I told her.  “No,” she said, “You can’t fast forward this part.  You gotta stay in it, this is the good stuff – the stuff that life is made of – its living and feeling, loving and hurting.  You felt so deeply for this person therefore you’ve got an equally deep wound to mend – embrace this pain, don’t cheat it.”  She was right of course.  So I stayed crumpled up on my floor and I cried and cried, and then one day I just got into bed and went to sleep, and the next morning I was singing my song again as I began training once more for the greatest race in the world – the New York City Marathon, and it is all inside waiting to carry me 26.2 miles to victory.  This thought of course made me pick up my pace, but I repeated to myself – patience.

Be it a relationship or a marathon, you can’t go out sprinting – not when you want it to last – not when you want to finish strong.  Take your time.  And if either one falls apart, feel the pain – every single mile of it.  Because that finish line is up ahead, and  speeding through those miles – fast forwarding them, would only take away from the triumphant feeling of crossing it.  Stay in it.  Give it time to unfold and honor that space between what is no longer and not yet.  And know this.  There are gifts in every single race we run.  Be grateful for them. 🙂

Cheers,

Vino Bambina

Lastly, but most importantly I am doing all of this for a little guy battling Epidermolysis Bullosa. His name is Lane and my pain doesn’t even compare to his. My intention is to raise awareness and support to this cause. You can find his story a bit before this one: Butterfly Baby; Lane’s Story. I have reached my goal of raising $2500 – hooray!  Now, I’d like to raise even more.  November 1st I will be running the NY Marathon as a member of TeamEBRP and If you would like for me to send you good vibes and run my race so very grateful for you, or if you’d like to make a difference for so many little ones out there born with this rare and heart-breaking illness, please click here to make a donation. My endless gratitude.